hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
