Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
