you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
