his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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