im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
