one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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