and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
