Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
