I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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