I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
