Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
