What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
