I love black thongs
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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