ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My vagina is officially offended.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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