**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
