I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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