U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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