we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
