You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, beer. Big fan.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
