I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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