I just threw up on my dentist
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
