oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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