Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My pussy is not your playground.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
