Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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