Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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