Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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