i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize