Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
