then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
