he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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