i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
