Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
