i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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