you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
