yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
