1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
