Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
