This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
