It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
