This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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