We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
