It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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