At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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