Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
