Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
