oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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