drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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