Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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