if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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