Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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