Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
