You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
