Got a toothbrush?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
