Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
