can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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