I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize