apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
