Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
