he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
