Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
