I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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