I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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